In my veins
by Arwen951
Summary: From the story: "Madness is the best thing that ever happened to me, next to your love and friendship" Lils loves Cato, but he's not coming back...


**Hi, guys!  
**Oooook, first of all: I tried to translate my story as better as I could. But I still think there are some mistakes (ok, a lot of them), so, please, if you find something, just tell me. I'm not that excellent at English, but I try to do my best…  
Second: thank you for those who will read this "thing".  
I really love writing, and I usually do it in Italian, that's why in my language they sound a lot better...  
I accept every kind of review, but remember: respect is the first thing.  
Hope you'll like it!

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**I do not own neither the Hunger Games nor Suzanne Collins' characters!**

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Sitting between your legs, you held me tight, your chest against my back. Above us the moon and the stars.

I felt your breath in my hair.

No one wanted to speak, but I knew, in a way, that you were crying. And I didn't want to hear what my heart was screaming.

"I volunteer" you started. "Tomorrow, at the Reaping".

"What?" I exclaimed, whirling round in your strong arms. What I didn't want to happen was happening. There were lots of other boys waiting to volunteer and throwing themselves into the Arena, but I didn't want you to be there.

"Yes" you whispered and looked down when little waterfalls started going down my face. "I wanted you to know it, Lils. I didn't want you to discover it tomorrow…"

"Cato…" I tried to whisper, even if it hurt too much. "Why does it need to be you? There's the whole District…"

"I have to, Lils…"

I sprang up, suddenly furious against Capitol City that was tearing you from my life.

I was trembling when you held me in your arms, when your lips reached mine, leaving a kiss. Maybe the last one…

"I'll win. For you" you whispered to my hair the moment before you saw me running home.

"He's not coming back. He's not coming back!" all my body was screaming.

I didn't want to see you leaving on that damned train. Leaving District 2 forever. Even if you had won and come back here, with me, you wouldn't have been the same anymore.

And now here you are, in front of me, your limbs have been stitched up in a way.

Your blind eyes, which no one went to the bother of closing them, stare at nothing, taken away from the sight of my crying eyes.

Someone else won. Capitol City kidnapped you and will never let you go.

I let my body fall down against the wall while your family's desperate sobs flow through the room, adding to mine.

I hoped in your victory till the end, but the hybrids almost devoured you. I was getting crazy.

I was getting crazy also when I told you goodbye, at the Reaping. But how could I show you how I really felt?

Now I'll get crazy alone. I'll see you dying every single night, in my nightmares. I will always feel your blind look on me. I will feel the rips on your body opening on mine as if those monsters were attacking me, breaking me into a thousand pieces.

As it happened to my heart when your train left the station. A thousand cracks ran through it, but only now they're breaking it, throwing chips cutting as knives all around.

Committing suicide won't help. You're inside of me. You see through my eyes, listen through my ears… you flow in my veins, keeping me alive.

It's you that put my pieces back together, hanging them together for these four years after your death.

The Hunger Games don't exist anymore.

There won't be another train bringing you away from me. In a way I feel you here. And maybe I'm getting crazy, as my mum says. But it's better to be crazy than to cut you out of my life.

Now there's no one left with me.

I don't want another man to hold me. But, at the same time, I can't feel your hugs. That's why I imagine you holding me ten, twenty, a thousand times, getting lost in a world of my own. A world where you still live; where you turn to me during a training of ours, smile and show me how good you are at beheading a mannequin. A world in which you make me slipping out of my room in the middle of the night, just to go to our special place. A world in which you talk and smile to me, run at my side holding my hand, a world in which, without flinching, you listen to what my father tells you, who, who knows why, hates you.

But this is not the reality, that's why it hurts.

And so I close my eyes.

And here you are, smiling at me.

Madness is the best thing that ever happened to me, next to your love and friendship.


End file.
